Ocean Dental in Enid, OK

Just to be sure, I checked Google Maps. A scholar of many things, geography and political borders included, I had a hard time believing that Ocean Dental in Enid, OK was anywhere near an ocean.

My suspicions were confirmed when my advanced research showed, indisputably, that Enid, OK is, indeed, nowhere near an actual ocean.

But that is not the only lie that Ocean Dental spews at us like the water in one of those little annoying rinsing tools that the dentist uses to waterboard your teeth as if your teeth were some kind of little terrorists planning their next attack on food items and pen caps. TELL ME YOUR PLANS, BICUSPID. I KNOW YOU AND THE INCISORS ARE UP TO SOMETHING.

But I digress. The bigger lie that Ocean Dental is trying to get us to swallow is that this is just your average Spanish-speaking, medicaid-accepting dental practice in sleepy Enid, OK. No secret history here. Pay no attention to the familiar placement of the windows and very specific angle of the roof. Are you catching on here? Are you smelling the pizza that I am cooking up, metaphorically? If you aren't, put down your jug of Sunny D and scroll up real fast to look at the title of the website that you are currently reading. That's right, friends, this place used to be a Pizza Hut.

I know, I know. You are wondering what kind of crazed dentist would perform root canals in corner booths and x-rays at the buffet? Well, I assume that this particular UTBAPH has been cleared of its original furnishings, but one can never be too sure. It is entirely possible that the hostess stand is the receptionist desk and that marble-mouthed clients are rinsing out their freshly poked and prodded mouths with Pepsi served in red translucent cups. If that seems crazy to you, remind yourself how far Oklahoma is from ANYTHING THAT CAN POSSIBLY BE CONSIDERED AN OCEAN!

Thanks to our dear friend Tyler, who submitted this UTBAPH via Twitter to our clever handle @UTBAPH, which I encourage you all to follow and share with your friends to fuel my campaign to take over the world, open a shit-ton of Pizza Huts, close them, watch new establishments move in, and then document those new uses. MUHAHAHAHAHA.

UPDATE: There was some dispute on the Twitters as to whether or not this establishment was ever a Pizza Hut (besides the fact that it looks exactly like an old Pizza Hut). One commenter, a 34 year resident of Enid, OK, claimed to have never remembered it being a Pizza Hut, but another commenter came through with the closest thing there is to definitive proof on the internet; a claim that he worked at this exact Pizza Hut in 1983. Not that  I ever doubted it.

Cafe Silvestre in Salt Lake City, UT

If you look carefully at the sign for the Cafe Silvestre, you will notice that they feature "Homemade Mexican Food." I, for one, have always taken exception to the phrase "homemade" in reference to a restaurant. "Homemade" should mean that it was made in a home; a home being a place of residence, where people live, bathe, sleep, watch TV, and, when no one is looking, pick their noses.

So seeing this claim plastered so proudly on the giant sign has me wondering, amongst many other things, what in the world is going on at the Cafe Silvestre?

Regardless, it is nice to see the great state of Utah finally making an appearance on the blog, no thanks to you bums. I found this one myself by doing a Google Maps satellite view scan of the country (zoomed out to the state level -- I'm that good).

Zia's Caffe in Kaneohe, HI

When your backdrop is a volcano and you are on an island one rogue wave away from being Atlantis, it is hard to say if you will even be alive tomorrow, so why worry about petty details like whether or not your friendly neighborhood cafe is hiding a dirty secret past.

But hey, this alleged UTBAPH has an upstairs. Pizza Huts didn't have an upstairs. 

Get it together, man! Don't let this facade fool you. You are smarter than that. Or, at least, your mom tells everyone you are.

Despite the extra fancy paint job by David, the submitter, to make that look like real brick on the second floor, the "upstairs" is faker than my interest in whatever people are talking about at parties other than old Pizza Huts.

I am not saying that this isn't a nice place -- it may well be. Just make sure you know what you are getting into with this one. Who knows what other secrets they are hiding. *coughdeadbodiesinthefreezercough*

Jake's Wayback Burgers in Monroe, NY

When you are in Monroe, NY, your options are limited in the food department, as well as the "finding something to do" department. When the Pizza Hut in Monroe closed a while back, it sat empty for a long time; a stark reminder of what once was.But that is not the end of the story, my friend. Thanks to what I assume was some kind of mix of drugs and unwarranted optimism, somebody decided to give the old Pizza Hut location another go, this time as a burger place called Jake's Wayback Burgers. There was definitely some effort put into masking this location, but I assume that most of the effort went into displacing the junkies who had, undoubtedly, turned this place into some sort of hobo storage facility during the long lull between legitimate business ventures. 

I have never been to a Jake's Wayback Burgers, mostly because I don't (and never will) trust people named Jake who aren't dogs. And, also, partially, because I have no idea what makes a burger a "wayback" burger, but I assume that expired ground beef is somehow involved. And then there is just the simple fact that there aren't any Jake's Wayback Burgers near where I live. OK, maybe that last one is the biggest reason. Although guys named Jake that aren't dogs are still on my watch list.Extra thanks to a guy named Charles who is not a dog (or, possibly, is a dog with excellent email communication and photo-taking capabilities) for sending this one in.