Pizza Planet in Mobridge, SD

It only makes sense for an UTBAPH to become another pizza place. Sure, a well-known pizza chain with worldwide brand recognition and franchise backing situated at the exact same location selling the exact same product failed just months (sometimes days) earlier, but I would attribute all of that to "bad luck" and "lack of innovation in finding more places to stuff cheese into pizza."

"Maybe we can fool people into thinking that we are the same well-known pizza restaurant that they, as a community, had already shunned into financial failure," says one truly delusional prospective small business owner to himself, as he (if he has any foresight whatsoever) downloads the correct forms to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and saves them in a folder on his desktop called "Business Plans for the Upcoming Year."

"Maybe if we keep the word 'Pizza' and just cover up the word 'Hut' with a picture of a planet, we can narrowly escape being sued by our predecessor, thereby ensuring that our failure comes directly from a complete lack of sales, and not litigation."

In 2014, that is considered "success."

If you have followed this so far, and nodded your head along with those ideas, panting and slobbering all the while, you might be an overheating dog, in need of some water. Find your owner and remedy that, and, upon doing so, return to browsing funny blogs on the iPad while pretending to nap. We all know what you dogs are up to.

But for the rest of us, who are well aware of the fallacies of the aforementioned plan, I would like to show you the full execution of such a plan, located in Mobridge, South Dakota.

Behold, friends (and dogs), the Pizza Planet:

I can't imagine the surprise of the good people of Mobridge when they drove past the old Pizza Hut and found, in its place, a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT restaurant bearing only SLIGHT RESEMBLANCE to some other DISTANT MEMORY of a pizza chain that had just closed days earlier.

As the disguise is quite heavy on this UTBAPH, allow me to bring you back in time (thanks to Google Street View) to see what used to be:

It is hard to see if your eyeballs fell out in an unfortunate "sneezing while getting LASIK" incident, but for the rest of us, I think it is pretty clear what is going on here. I did some digging and came across the alternate set of concepts for the Pizza Planet re-branding, in case you are curious.

Thanks to our good friend Bryan for sending this one in.

No Name Pizza in Beaufort, NC

I recently took a trip down to Beaufort, NC. I had been told tales of a legendary UTBAPH in Beaufort called "No Name Pizza." Obviously, I had to make a stop to check this gem out in person.

Yours truly in front of No Name Pizza in Beaufort, NC

Regarding the unusual name (or, lack of name, depending on how you see it), I was told by a local that it was a Greek guy that owned the place, and, when asked what he wanted on the sign for his pizza shop, he said, "No name!"

Now if there is one thing I know, it is that you should never argue with a Greek guy, lest they unleash their buddy Yanni on you. Yanni, legend has it, can kill a man with a slingshot and an olive pit from up to 4 kilometers away. But I digress.

The point is, I guess the sign maker in this story also knew of Yanni's projectile prowess and opted instead to take the pizza shop owner literally. The rest, as they say, doesn't involve Yanni and is therefore completely uninteresting to Greek people.

Thanks for the submission, Ken.

Domino's Pizza/Fish Feast in Gosnells, Western Australia

Some bizarre oversight in Australian Pizza Hut upper management led to two Pizza Huts being like a block and a half apart from each other in Gosnells, Western Australia. I, for one, am glad about this obvious screwup, because it gives us two posts in a row about two different UTBAPHs that are basically next door neighbors.Now, on top of that, we have ourselves a good old fashioned Western Australian double (nay, triple) whammy what with something called "Fish Feast" (complete with drive-thru) taking up a solid 1/3 of the former Pizza Hut (insert the knife) and a Domino's taking over the remaining two thirds (twist the blade). I say it every time, but there is something poetic about the Pizza Hut to Domino's transition. Were Henry David Thoreau still around, I have little doubt that he would have much to say on the topic.(For the record, I tried to find a famous Australian poet to fill in that reference, but ended up getting caught up laughing too hard about the Crocodile Hunter asking someone "What rhymes with 'G'day'?" to complete the search. So yeah, stereotypes of Australia are alive and well, in my brain. Perhaps I will visit someday to drink a Fosters and ride around in a kangaroo pouch to really learn more about the culture.)Thanks to Mike for the submission.