Q104 (CKQV) Radio Station in Kenora, Ontario

They might pump out today's hottest music now, but, at one time, the headquarters for Q104 in Kenora, Ontario, pumped out yesterday's hottest pizza.

You can actually listen to Q104 online, and I encourage you all to do so. Not because Top 40 music is particularly interesting (or even listenable), but because you -- as a reader of this atrocity of a blog penned by a guy who barely passed high school English classes -- are obviously a glutton for horrible content.

Listen here:

http://goldenweststreaming.com/ckqv_stream/

I am not going to lie. I am not a big fan of Top 40 music. Call me a snob, or an elitist, or "someone with ears who is over the age of 8," but I just think that music, especially music that is interspersed with more advertisements than the inside of a city bus, should not be completely god-awful.

That said, I really wish for the best for our friends at Q104 in Kenora. As the only radio station in our entire catalog of UTBAPHs (so far), I am kind of rooting for them to do what the Pizza Hut in this location failed to do, and what this very blog strives to do: sell crap to the masses. So, from the greatest comedy of all time, I want to offer this message to my friends at Q104:

Many thanks to Ryan, who has a face for radio, for sending this one in.

Pizza Planet in Mobridge, SD

It only makes sense for an UTBAPH to become another pizza place. Sure, a well-known pizza chain with worldwide brand recognition and franchise backing situated at the exact same location selling the exact same product failed just months (sometimes days) earlier, but I would attribute all of that to "bad luck" and "lack of innovation in finding more places to stuff cheese into pizza."

"Maybe we can fool people into thinking that we are the same well-known pizza restaurant that they, as a community, had already shunned into financial failure," says one truly delusional prospective small business owner to himself, as he (if he has any foresight whatsoever) downloads the correct forms to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and saves them in a folder on his desktop called "Business Plans for the Upcoming Year."

"Maybe if we keep the word 'Pizza' and just cover up the word 'Hut' with a picture of a planet, we can narrowly escape being sued by our predecessor, thereby ensuring that our failure comes directly from a complete lack of sales, and not litigation."

In 2014, that is considered "success."

If you have followed this so far, and nodded your head along with those ideas, panting and slobbering all the while, you might be an overheating dog, in need of some water. Find your owner and remedy that, and, upon doing so, return to browsing funny blogs on the iPad while pretending to nap. We all know what you dogs are up to.

But for the rest of us, who are well aware of the fallacies of the aforementioned plan, I would like to show you the full execution of such a plan, located in Mobridge, South Dakota.

Behold, friends (and dogs), the Pizza Planet:

I can't imagine the surprise of the good people of Mobridge when they drove past the old Pizza Hut and found, in its place, a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT restaurant bearing only SLIGHT RESEMBLANCE to some other DISTANT MEMORY of a pizza chain that had just closed days earlier.

As the disguise is quite heavy on this UTBAPH, allow me to bring you back in time (thanks to Google Street View) to see what used to be:

It is hard to see if your eyeballs fell out in an unfortunate "sneezing while getting LASIK" incident, but for the rest of us, I think it is pretty clear what is going on here. I did some digging and came across the alternate set of concepts for the Pizza Planet re-branding, in case you are curious.

Thanks to our good friend Bryan for sending this one in.

500! And a Call to Action...

WE DID IT!

Ever since I was a little kid, long before the internet as we know it even existed, I dreamt of creating a single-focus blog cataloging the current uses of former Pizza Huts. Call it a life's mission. Call it a waste of time. Call it a bald-faced lie that couldn't possibly be true. No matter what you call it, how much you doubt it, or how certain you are that even just reading this post is a complete waste of your time that could be spent doing something important like running the country (Mr. President... I appreciate your support of this blog but get back to work) or re-stocking the shelves of your family business that is, most likely, current situated in an old Pizza Hut, you must admit that this is the longest, most rambling sentence that you have ever read.

I can't even count the digressions in that last paragraph, but I digress.

The important thing is that we reached an unbelievable milestone today; one that would surely make my ancestors proud after at least 4 hours of explanation of the following topics:

- Pizza
- Franchising
- Food delivery
- The internet
- Tony Danza (but I digress)
- Blogging
- Podcasts
- Fox News
- Digital photography
- Google Maps
- Google Street View
- Not having to spend all of your time trying to find food to stay alive

Our work is not done. Nay, there is much left undone in this realm. Firstly, there are still 4 states that do not have UTBAPHs on the map. This is astounding to me, but logical when you consider that 3 of the 4 worst states are on this list:

- Wyoming
- Idaho
- North Dakota
- Delaware

So I am calling on you residents and visitors of these terrible states to get off your asses and, well, actually, sit back down in front of your computer and find me some UTBAPHs on the good old Google Street View.

Secondly, I am working on getting pictures of the UTBAPHs on the map, but many are still lacking. Many of you submitted locations with images that you might not yet see on the site. I am working on adding these, but I am always happy to add even more images to the map view when they are available. I always prefer images taken from devices other than robotic cars, but Google Street View works well in a pinch. So hop into your Toyota Tercel (or whatever it is you are driving these days) and grab me some photos!

Lastly, I want to thank each and every one of you for not having a job, or, in some cases, having a job that you are sure to lose by reading stupid blogs all day. You make me proud.