99% Invisible

If you don't already listen to the 99% Invisible podcast, then prepare to spend the next month or so catching up on old episodes (as I did towards the end of last year). Ostensibly, it is a podcast about design and architecture, but, in practice, it is a podcast about everything. The producers of 99% Invisible could argue, and rightly so, that it is a podcast about everything because design plays a role in almost every aspect of our lives, but that is only part of it. What I think is that, in an attempt to create a podcast about the interesting elements of design, they came to realize that there is almost nothing around us that isn't interesting if you dig in closely enough to the details.

As an example, a certain blog that I happen to curate (and that you, in turn, happen to consume) was the topic of the latest installment of 99% Invisible. Now, I put this blog, in terms of educational value/cultural awareness/architectural enlightenment somewhere in between a dick joke and a fart joke. It is, lest we kid ourselves, not much more than photos of old Pizza Huts.

But the good people at 99% Invisible (namely, Sam Greenspan and Roman Mars), who put this episode together, bothered themselves with the details of former Pizza Huts in a way that yours truly had not considered to do. The history of the buildings, the socio-economic reasons for their rise and fall, the official stance of Pizza Hut's corporate offices on this phenomenon -- these are all the kinds of things that they found interesting about this topic. And they were kind enough to share their findings -- with those of us who are still laughing over the word "fart" -- for our own enlightenment.

I had the pleasure of working with local producer Margaret Krauss on this piece, who, herself, is all kinds of interesting and talented.

Please check out episode 103 of 99% Invisible. Give Sam and Roman a follow on Twitter, and Like their page on Facebook. Maybe even buy a "Read the Plaque" shirt from their site (you will need to listen to a few episodes to get that reference).

Then, after you done got your learn on, come back here and laugh at silly pictures of abandoned buildings.

And if you came to this site via 99% Invisible, welcome.

Yours in childish humor being turned into something educational by much smarter people,

-Mike

Dragon China in Moraine, OH

Submitted by Danny, Dragon China in Moraine, Ohio is a great UTBAPH. First of all, Chinese restaurants love making it very clear exactly what they are, using a small, repeating set of words in their names (dragon, king, jade, garden, buffet, dynasty, rice, wok, super, China). Basically, pick two random words from that list, buy an old Pizza Hut, and you have everything it takes to open your own Chinese restaurant.Just to illustrate my point, here is a list of a few random combinations of the words above:

• Dragon Buffet
• Super China
• Rice Garden
• King Dragon
• Jade Garden
• Dynasty Buffet
• Rice Wok

If some of those names look familiar to you, it is because I just named 75% of all of the Chinese restaurants in North America (the other 25% are P.F. Changs).The second thing that makes this particular UTBAPH so great is that they kept that original roof. That shiny, metallic-looking original roof is really going extinct these days, and it is good to come across a restauranteur who has too much of a sense of history (and/or is too lazy) to replace the roof.And then, thirdly, I love how China has one font. You know exactly which font I mean. It is as if the whole of China had a meeting one day and just decided, "This is our font. We will use it on soy sauce packets, chopsticks, restaurant signage, menus, and, yes, even video games from now on."

So next time you are in Moraine, Ohio, or, hell, even in Dayton proper, do yourself a favor and get down to the Super China Double Dragon Garden Rice Wok Dynasty Buffet. Or whatever the hell it was called.

Vacant UTBAPH in Sarasota, FL

Quick, get Jerry Filipowski on the phone. I have an UTBAPH to buy. I did some searching around the commercial real estate sites and it doesn't look like this UTBAPH is currently for sale, so maybe it will find a new life and make its way back onto the site with a glorious update. But, for now, this sad specimen sits empty, reminding us of what once was. I can almost picture this thing all cleaned up and turned into the Used to Be a Pizza Hut headquarters. Not exactly sure if Mrs. UTBAPH would go for that.But, hey, better to ask forgiveness than permission, right? Thanks to Greg for submitting this one and, potentially, breaking up my marriage. 

La Parrilla Rotisserie & Grill in Margate, FL

First off, thanks to Napa Auto Parts for sponsoring this post inadvertently. Yes, we see you, Napa, and we are all really impressed by those dorky little trucks you guys drive around with hats on them. 

I am more of a Pep Boys kind of guy myself, but I mean, hey, hats on trucks. You guys obviously know a thing or two about car parts. That is a part I didn't even know existed.

But I digress. La Parilla Rotisserie & Grill in Margate, FL has the best of both worlds: A rotisserie, for that slow cooked goodness, and a grill, for when you don't feel like waiting 8 and a half hours for some chicken.

Not to be all over the place with this post, but I have to stop my normal banter here and ask you, the reader, a very serious question. Don't make direct eye contact, but see that guy against the building, just beyond the Napa sign? Is that Tubbs?

Yeah, I thought so too. Don't blow his cover. I think he is on a stakeout of some kind. Anyway, this place used to be a Pizza Hut. Sorry I never got around to discussing that more, but I feel like maybe you had already deduced that given your ability to put context clues together. 

Avocado Fresh Mexican Grill in Saskatoon, Canada

Look closely. No, closer. Put your greasy nose right up against that work monitor. Do you see it? This is a tricky one.
Maybe in the days before the internet, you could get away with something like this. A few passers by may do a double take, but they would keep riding up the road on their elk to whatever the other restaurant is in Saskatoon (I assume there are two), and maybe make brief mention of how that place they passed "looked like it used to be something else, eh?" Which would be met with the standard Canadian response of, "What are you talking aboot?"
But in 2014, you can't just throw some stained lumber around a signature roof hump and not expect some overly specific blog run by a likable (if not somewhat pudgy) guy with way too much spare time to call you out on your literal facade attempting to hide your history. Nay, the internet has come calling, and it demands the truth. Fess up, Avocado. We all know what you are hiding.Alright, now get your nose off the monitor. Your coworkers are all staring at you.

El Canelo in Erie, PA

According to Jason, the submitter, El Canelo Mexican Restaurant in Erie, PA is frequently in the paper for health code violations. They say that no publicity is bad publicity, which proves that "they" don't read the section of the newspaper that deals with minor problems like "mice" and "feces" in "kitchens."

And, hey, who are we to say that we don't probably have some mice living in our own kitchens? And what are we supposed to do, ask them not to poop everywhere? Especially in the improperly refrigerated meat? I have met some friendly mice in my day, and not one showed any proclivity to use so much as a chamber pot.

So we can sit here in our own unclean kitchens and scoff at El Canelo for its supposed violations, or we can ignore all of that, Like UTBAPH on Facebook and follow @UTBAPH on Twitter. You decide which way you want to go here.

Nirlep Indian Restaurant in Charleston, SC

There are not tons of options when it comes to Indian food in Charleston, SC according to Charles, who sent this one our way. That may be so, but even if the entire city of Charleston were one big curry-smelling metropolis of nothing but Indian restaurants (and, hopefully some strategically placed public restrooms), I still know where I would go for my Personal Pan Paratha.Nirlep Indian Restaurant gets some pretty rave reviews on Foursquare, but I am sure you could have already guessed that. All good Indian restaurants have a booth where the owner has his laptop and is working as if that booth is his office. Since this place probably has tons of booths, I suspect that it fits that requirement.

Vacant UTBAPH in Westmont, IL

Now this here is a beaut. A classic Pizza Hut in all of its glory. Bright red roof, perfect blue sky, corner windows the whole way down to the ground. I am in heaven. But, lo, what is this email from Vladimir saying? This most perfect Pizza Hut ever is no more? At least, Vlad, tell me that it didn't become something awful and soul-crushing, like the new home of the Chicago Blackhawks or a check cashing place. Oh God, no. It is so much worse than even that. It is vacant. 

I can't look. Oh the humanity. No one told me how much crying there would be in blogging.

Mulberry Tree Child Care in Cannington, Australia

I don't know, I guess this used to be a Pizza Hut. Or are you guys just submitting random stuff to me now just to see if I will post it? I half expect the next submission to be a photo of a turd, claiming that it, too, used to be a Pizza Hut. Well, according to Mike, who may or may not be a pathological liar, this childcare and pre-school used to be a Pizza Hut until it was renovated beyond recognition. What kind of monsters would strip a former Pizza Hut of all of its glorious distinctive looks? The same monsters that are raising your kids while you are working, apparently.

El Tucan Mexican Restaurant in Cincinnati, OH

Despite what the sign says, this place is currently "El Tucan," a Mexican Restaurant in Cincinnati, OH. Submitted by Mike, apparently this place changes names/owners on a frequent basis. At some point, a lot of renovations were done, rending it largely unrecognizable as a former Pizza Hut, but no matter. We are not here to judge. Oh wait, no, that is exactly what we are here to do.But I digress. The important thing here is that El Tucan, (or Plaza, for all of you people still living in last Tuesday) is going strong as a former Pizza Hut. I have seen a few UTBAPHs with the area of skylights before, so I am wondering if those are not part of the original structure. It almost looks like a big shitty Mexican place ate an old Pizza Hut in one bite, and still has a little bit of its meal hanging on its lip.Or something. Come back next week, when this is something else altogether.

Lazy Moe's in Forest Hill, Victoria, Australia

There is an awesome rumor that this place used to be called "Flaming Moe's," but, due to legal intervention, the name of this Australian former Pizza Hut had to be changed. So, for those who don't know, this is Flaming Moe's:

And I managed to grab this super secret security camera screen grab of the FOX lawyers putting the kibosh on the whole operation:Now, of course, this is all hearsay and conjecture, which (as we know) are kinds of evidence, right Lionel?So we don't (and probably won't) ever know the real backstory behind the name "Lazy Moe's," but we do know the backstory of the building itself, and, in case the suspense is killing you, this place used to be a Pizza Hut. Screened-in deck or chicken coop? You be the judge. Either way, I want to buy food and libations form a self-proclaimed lazy restauranteur, because we all know that they won't be cutting any corners when it comes to food quality and safety.Thanks to David for the submission. 

Domino's Pizza/Fish Feast in Gosnells, Western Australia

Some bizarre oversight in Australian Pizza Hut upper management led to two Pizza Huts being like a block and a half apart from each other in Gosnells, Western Australia. I, for one, am glad about this obvious screwup, because it gives us two posts in a row about two different UTBAPHs that are basically next door neighbors.Now, on top of that, we have ourselves a good old fashioned Western Australian double (nay, triple) whammy what with something called "Fish Feast" (complete with drive-thru) taking up a solid 1/3 of the former Pizza Hut (insert the knife) and a Domino's taking over the remaining two thirds (twist the blade). I say it every time, but there is something poetic about the Pizza Hut to Domino's transition. Were Henry David Thoreau still around, I have little doubt that he would have much to say on the topic.(For the record, I tried to find a famous Australian poet to fill in that reference, but ended up getting caught up laughing too hard about the Crocodile Hunter asking someone "What rhymes with 'G'day'?" to complete the search. So yeah, stereotypes of Australia are alive and well, in my brain. Perhaps I will visit someday to drink a Fosters and ride around in a kangaroo pouch to really learn more about the culture.)Thanks to Mike for the submission.